Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

(Hi this is Jesus
I can't get to the phone right now
But if you leave a message after the tone
I'll get right back to you)

Beep

Dear Jesus
I don't believe in you no more
Dear Jesus
I think you should know the score
I never met you
Cos you lived a long long time ago
Not to upset you
But there's not a lot to know

Born in a stable
Is the story we were told
He had a beard
And you wore a lot of shitty clothes

He walked on water then you held a kickin' party on the beach
And the people gathered round to watch you talk and hail and preach
But the bunch of pretty fishers turnin' water into wine
Sure I'd be a true believer if I'd been there at the time

Dear Jesus
I aint buyin' all this shit
Dear Jesus
I dont want no part of it
Don't know what you had in mind, but I'm sure it wasn't this
I met a couple of cool Christians, but the Rev's just take the piss
They it's awful to be gay, cos there aint no family
And they made you give them money when you see them on TV

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Jesus!
Looks like we're gona hafta throw things down the old school way!
What my mum said, Bring it on!

Dear Jesus, el Presidente
Declared war on them today
He read the Bible, evidently
And your Dad says it's ok

Like this guy lives on my block
He's such an asshole to my mom
And he flips off all the Muslims
Like their doin' somethin' wrong
I know plenty other dicks like that
But this just makes it worse
He thinks he is so much better
Just because he goes to church

Dear Jesus
Dear Jesus

If you come back just like you said you would
I know that we could chill
But these days we need some evidence
To show that your for real

Dear Jesus
Dear Jesus
Dear Jesus

I hope you got my message when your back if you can
If you even leave tonight, it's means I'm your number one fan